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बचपन में एक चुटकुला सुना था। एक गाँव में जब भी कोई बूढा गुज़र जाता था, तो गाँव के स्कूल में एक दिन की छुट्टी कर दी जाती थी। एक बार दो दोस्त सुबह सुबह स्कूल जा रहे थे, तो एक गली में दो बूढे ताश खेल रहे थे। एक दोस्त बोलता है, "देख मोहन, अपनी दो छुट्टियाँ पत्ते खेल रही हैं।"

अचानक ये चुटकुला क्यों याद आया?

रविवार को मैं सब्जी लेने गया, तो रस्ते में ऐसा ही कुछ देखा। एक प्राईमरी स्कूल के बाहर दो बच्चे बात कर रहे थे। अचानक कुछ सूअर वहां से गुज़रे। एक गिनती करने लगा। और फिर दुसरे को कहता है, "ओये देख, ८-८ स्वाइन फ्लू ! अपनी एक महीने की छुट्टी होने वाली है।" उसके चेहरे पर वैसी ही स्माइल थी जैसी की दर्शील सफारी की थी जब वो "३ X ९ = ३" लिख कर खुश होता है। जो भी है, नादान बच्चे, अपनी ही दुनिया है। पर ये तो अच्छा है की इनको ये पता है की ये स्वाइन फ्लू शुरू कैसे हुआ? पुणे की यही बात ख़ास है - यहाँ के लोग (बच्चे भी) बहुत जागरूक हैं। पर बच्चों कि बात सुन कर, सूअरों ने भी आपस में बात कि होगी - "देखो बच्चों को भी पता चल गया। ये सब साला मेक्सिको के सूअरों ने किया, और इल्जाम हम पर लग रहा है। अब भैया गेहूं के साथ घुन तो पिसेगा ही !"

माहौल अचानक बदल सा गया है।

लोग मास्क पहन कर घूम रहे हैं।

कॉलेज के छात्र ऐसी बातें करते हुए मिल जायेंगे - "अगर फलां टीचर ने मुझे इस बार अच्छे नंबर नहीं दिए तो उसके मुंह पर जा कर छींक दूंगा।"

छात्र अपने मास्टरों के मुंह पर छींकना चाहते हैं, सॉफ्टवेर इंजिनेयर अपने मैनेजर के मुंह पर और मैनेजर लोग शायद अपने मैनेजरों के मुंह पर।" इस बार अगर अप्रैज़ल अच्छा नहीं किया, तो मैनेजर जी गए।"

लोगों में छीन्कासुर प्रवृति (भस्मासुर से प्रेरित) आ गयी है। दुश्मनी निकालने का अच्छा तरीका है।

मास्क जो कि सिर्फ डॉक्टर लोग पहनते थे, वो भी सिर्फ ऑपरेशन करते समय, अब हर कोई पहन रहा है।

लड़कियां अपने सूट से मैचिंग कलर के मास्क खरीद रही हैं। अब सूट से मैचिंग लिपस्टिक तो नहीं दिखेगी, मास्क ही सही।

पहले गर्लफ्रेंड-ब्वॉयफ्रेंड मोटर बाइक पर ऐसे बैठते थे कि बस क्या बताएं (दो के बैठने के लिए पर्याप्त जगह होती है, पर न पीछे वाली सीट फिर भी खाली, दोनों के बैठने के बावजूद), अब थोडी सामाजिक स्वीकार्य दूरी बना कर रखते हैं। (Now, Love is not in the air, Swine Flu is in the air...)

सब एक दुसरे को "स्वाइन फ्लू" भरी नज़रों से देख रहे हैं। इंसान इंसान से डर रहा है। पहले भी डरता था, पर पहले सिर्फ आतंकवादियों या ससुराल वालों से डरता था, अब हर तीसरे इंसान से डर लगता है।

लोग जप रहे हैं कि हे भगवान् इससे बचा ले, बस कुछ दिन और, फिर तो २-३ महीने में अपने होनहार डॉक्टर लोग इसकी दवा बना ही लेंगे।

अगर थोडी देर के लिए इंसान भूल भी जाये कि ऐसा कुछ हवा में चल रहा है, तो हर १०-१५ मिनट में एक मेल आ जाती है कि भैया इतने इत्मिनान से काहे बैठे हो, थोडा डर बनाये रखो चेहरे पर - जाके हाथ धो कर आओ, खबरदार! अपने आँख-नाक को हाथ मत लगाओ, खुजली करनी है तो हाथ से नहीं, बाजू से करो।

पर सब बीमारी का एक घूम-फिर कर एक ही इलाज दिखाई दे रहा है - अच्छा भोजन और अच्छी सेहत। जहाँ भी पढता हूँ, प्रोटीन खाओ, बी-१२ खाओ, खूब पानी पीओ, व्यायाम करो। एक्स्ट्रा ये है, कि सफाई बरतो, सार्वजनिक स्थलों पर कम से कम जाओ, ट्रैवेल कम करो।

After all, "Precaution is better than cure..." बचाव में ही सुरक्षा है। बाकी ये किसे पता है कि कब चाँद कि तरफ पैर हो जायें? मैं भी बस यही मना रहा हूँ कि सही सलामत बंगलोर पहुँच जाऊँ फिर आगे वहां से लिखूंगा। पर ये भी कहाँ लिखा है कि बंगलोर बचा रहेगा। बंगलोर वाले मुझे बोल रहे हैं कि हम तुझे यहाँ घुसने ही नहीं देंगे। :(

हैल्थ मिनिस्ट्री का लिंक:

http://mohfw.nic.in/SWINEFLU.htm

http://nicd.nic.in/Tdr_CDA_Swine.pdf

I had stopped writing in this space because of some unpleasant reasons. Now, those unpleasant reasons are far more pushed back by the recent incidents in Mumbai.


Let me admit, I had never ever surfed the newspapers so comprehensively that I have done in the past 3 days. Seldom do I watch TV. But this weekend was a change. I got my back hurt while diving into the swimming pool, but do I really feel the pain in my back? Nah! I am not even thinking about it.


Things have been written, articles printed, discussions held, rage published. Everyone who gets his hands on any kind of communication media is expressing his anger, rage through his own means. Staying in the sister city to Mumbai (Pune), I can sense what is going on and what people are going through.


Events, persons that were outshone by this horrendous attack:


1) Cricket: India leading 5-0 in the series. Surely would have been the headlines with interviews of shining cricketers. England team has returned to its homeland. Hope to see them back in (now tentative) test series.


2) Economic Meltdown: All media was flooded, stocks dived, people lost their bank balances, lost their jobs and what not. But lives definitely are much more important than money.


3) VP Singh: The man who dethroned Rajiv Gandhi from the PM’s seat is no more. The news surely deserved to hit the headlines, but remained almost unsaid (tacit, I guess).


4) Raj Thackrey: Where are this guy and his “brave” sena by the way? Why did he not come up to save hundreds of Marathi Manoos killed at the railway stations? Why did he not stop the NSG commandos (most of them from UP and Bihar) from entering the city? Won't he want them to learn Marathi before saving our lives?


Now picture this: Few of our NSG commandos were killed by terrorists’ bullets hitting in their heads and chests, though they had the helmets and bullet-proof jackets ON. Can't you smell the corruption here?


Things are not going be so “rosy” from now on. Not for the politicians, not for our security forces, and not even for us – the citizens. Shouldn’t we be the world leaders in fighting against terrorism? Is there any other nation holding more experience than us in this field? We should be helping others to overcome this evil, but we ourselves are not equipped enough to fight against it. Why are we not learning from our past? We can't afford to be pigeons shutting our eyes looking at cats.


Indian Army says, “Forgiving terrorists is left to GOD. But fixing their appointment with GOD is our responsibility”. Amen!

Mumbai, Gorakhpur, Jaipur, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Ahmedabad ... they are everywhere now.
Watch out! you never know when you are going to step over a ticking bomb!


Friday - 8 serial blasts in Bangalore.
Saturday - 17 well planned blasts in Ahmedabad plus a live bomb found in Bangalore.
Sunday - Live bombs found in Surat and several more threats received by various regions of the country.


The moment something like this happens, our police starts finding who is behind this? Same now. Security agencies, intelligence agencies have started finding the similarities between the two blast events. Some of the key similarities found are:

>> Both the blasts were low-intensity blasts - the aim was just to create panic among the masses.
-- Who said? The fact is that the intensity was loud enough to take the lives of around 50 people. People are dying, panic is history.

>> Bombs in both the blasts contained the same explosive - ammonium nitrate.
-- Obviously, it's so cheap (even cheaper than milk) and available in bulk.

>> Both the blasts were done in BJP ruled states.
-- And so, people are assuming that Bhopal is the next in queue. Why?

>> Both the blasts used bicycles as carriers.
-- Since beginning (and especially after the fuel prices' hike), government has been asking people to use bicycles wherever possible. Terrorists seem to be more vigilant than our citizens. They are finding a big hit in bicycles for their purpose.


I have a few more similarities. Who knows they might be pointers to something very important?

>> Both the cities host the most prestigious IIMs of the country.
>> The names of both the cities contain 9 alphabets.


But what is the point in finding the similarities, when a group has already taken the ownership of the blasts - "Indian Mujahiddeen". And you know, they are daring enough to send an email even before the blasts. They are so sure of themselves that they won't be traced and caught. Are they so confident about themselves or about our security agencies?

So, why are we counting similarities - just to find the link between the two events? Yes, there is a link, very strong link. Not between these two blasts only, but all the blasts that have happened so far. The link is that they are done by people called terrorists - someone against humanity. And congratulations! we have a new group on the floor (Indian Mujahiddeen).

You know, India seems to be the softest target of terrorism.
Indian population is increasing, so the terrorists are also increasing their count (new groups are being created and more people are added to the old groups), but what is happening in the POLICE department? The ratio of police force to the total population in India is almost zilch. Someone needs to look at this aspect.

These kind of news add to the panic when Independence Day is just round the corner. In such kind of situation, people need to be more alert and more patient. I think its high time when we, citizens be on our toes. Be extra vigilant, extra cautious! Raise an alarm with the police whenever you suspect something / someone.

ज़ी न्यूज़ पर प्रसारित एक कार्यक्रम की टैग लाइन है ये.

क्या आपको कुछ साल पहले दूरदर्शन के किसी भी न्यूज़ रीडर की शक्ल याद है? शायद नहीं, लेकिन इतना ज़रूर याद होगा कि समाचार बोलते वक्त उनके चेहरे पर कोई भाव नहीं होते थे. आज देखिये, खबरों में कितने भाव, कितना मसाला, कितना ग्लामौर आ गया है.

ये भारतीय मीडिया को हो क्या गया है? हिन्दी समाचार चैनल तो सारी हदें पार कर चुके हैं. कुछ दिन पहले वैभव ने कुछ ब्रेकिंग न्यूज़ पेश की थी. पढ़ कर बहुत हँसा था. आज एक और ब्रेकिंग न्यूज़ मिली है. ज़रा गौर फरमाएं:

ये तो महज़ एक नमूना है. आप प्रतिदिन अपने इन समाचार चैनलों पर सास-बहु सीरियल भी देख सकते हैं.कितनी मेहनत करते होंगे हमारे हिन्दी न्यूज़ चैनल वाले इस तरह खबरें इकठ्ठा करने में. हैरत तो इस बात की है कि इतनी बड़ी दुनिया है, जहाँ हर समय कुछ न कुछ घटता रहता है, कुछ ऐसा जिसकी ओर जनता का ध्यान खींचना आवश्यक है, उन सब में से ये मिलता है दर्शकों के लिए.

Crazy, Insane, Idiotic I would say!
I read this article yesterday in "Pune Mirror" - a supplement with Times of India. And I am sure you will beat your head on the keyboard after reading this. Here it Goes:

The antics of Govinda on the sets of Loot and Lucky 2 are now famous. Now one more of his strange behaviour on the sets of Kumar Mangat's Money Hai To Honey Hai.
"Govinda was feeling low on a particular day while shooting for the film in Mauritius. That's when he called his astrologer in Mumbai to know more about his state of mine. The astrologer suggested that since there was Rahu kaal on him that particular day, he will have to shoot some sequeneces with a hen and the Rahu kaal will vanish for good from his life."
Knowing how superstitious Govinda can be, he somehow came up with a suggestion to use a hen in the sequence. The production house had to arrange for a henbecause of which the shooting was stalled for a couple of hours. However the poor hen got tired soon as the astrologer had asked Govinda to shoot with the hen for the entire day.
The poor hen was so exhausted that it died on the sets. But the astrologer insisted Govinda to shoot with the hen till 7 PM. So the actor decided to shoot with the dead hen till 7 PM and stopped shooting only at 7 PM. However, everyone on the sets was wondering where to fit this sequence as it is not a part of the script.

So Mr. Govinda, what are you upto? Don't you have your own sense of judgement?
I laughed out loud realizing the fact that when you feel low, the most approachable person to you is your astrologer . You are a member of Parliament and don't visit the constituency for months. You already hold a repo of always coming late on the sets and on top of that you do such crap things further wasting time on reaching the sets.
The little fame that you have has got into your head I guess.